Why We Get Angry: Understanding and Managing Anger in a Healthy Way

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Understanding Anger: What It's Really Trying to Tell You


Why Do People Get Angry?

Have you ever asked yourself why someone suddenly lashes out at you?
Or why you sometimes feel anger toward someone else, even when they’ve done nothing obvious?

The truth is, anger is rarely about the other person.
It’s often a mirror, reflecting what’s going on inside of us.


Anger Is a Projection

When someone expresses anger toward you, it’s usually a projection of their own pain, lack, or unresolved emotions.
And the same goes for us.

We get angry at people not because of who they are, but often because:

  • They have something we want

  • They reflect something missing in ourselves

  • They trigger wounds we haven’t yet healed

"You have to forgive yourself before you can forgive others."

That’s a powerful truth—because most of the time, we’re not really fighting others.
We’re fighting ourselves.


Hurt People Hurt People

You’ve probably heard this phrase before—and it holds real wisdom.

“Hurt people hurt people.”

When someone is angry, they’re often carrying pain they don’t know how to process.
That pain spills out as anger, not because of you, but because of what’s unresolved within them.

Likewise, when we feel anger rising in us, it’s a sign to look inward, not outward.


You Are Responsible for Your Reactions

As I shared in a previous blog:

You are the only one responsible for how you feel and what happens in your life.

Others may trigger something in you—but the way you respond is always your choice.

And no, I’m not claiming to have mastered this.
I still get angry. I still feel irritated or overwhelmed.
But I’m learning. I’m practicing.


A Simple Practice: Breathe Through It

One thing that helps me is breathing.

If you’ve read my blog on meditation, you’ll remember the monkey mind metaphor.
To calm a restless mind, you give it a banana.
In this case, the banana is your breath.

When anger rises:

  1. Pause.

  2. Focus on your breath.

  3. Inhale slowly through your belly.

  4. Exhale gently and fully.

You’ll begin to feel calmer.
Your thoughts will clear.
And you’ll make better, more conscious choices.


Pause and Reflect: What Are You Really Feeling?

Here’s a moment of reflection:

If you catch yourself thinking,

“That person isn’t good-looking,”
Pause.

Ask yourself:
Where is that coming from?
Is it your ego? Insecurity? Comparison?

The truth is—we’re all unique.
We don’t need to tear others down to feel better about ourselves.

So next time you feel the urge to criticize or lash out, ask:

  • “Why do I need to say or think this?”

  • “What is this reaction really about?”

  • “What am I projecting?”


Getting to Know Yourself Through Anger

This work isn’t easy. It takes courage and honesty.
But every time you pause and look within, you grow stronger.
You get to know yourself more deeply.
And you move closer to living with compassion, self-awareness, and peace.

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